After Narcissistic Abuse: 3 Emotional Traumas

If you have recently been discarded from a narcissist, you know how all-encompassing the emotional pain feels. A lucky few see the red flags early. The experience can be fleeting if you have a solid inner foundation with no past obstacles that you have had to overcome, whether it be in childhood, or in adulthood. However, for others it lingers far longer than you ever anticipated. Sometimes, it becomes unbearable, which can lead to seeking therapy for severe PTSD symptoms.

I am not a doctor, nor am I a therapist, but I am a survivor of abuse through the hands of a man who I loved with all my heart. This man was an emotionally destructive covert narcissist. It is very unlikely that Narcissistic Personality Disorder can be successfully treated as it is a “personality disorder”, and not a “mental disorder”. NPD is part of who they are. Additionally, in order to seek treatment, these people need to acknowledge that they have a problem. However, for a narcissist this means that the individual will need to go against the very nature of what makes them a narcissist — they need to admit to themselves that they are to blame for their behaviour. The majority of narcissists simply will not do this.

Unfortunately, for many of us, it is very common to experience emotionally crippling after effects even long after the narcissist has left the picture. Here are 3 emotional traumas you will undertake.

The Inability To Trust

When you first met the narcissist, you thought you met your soul mate. All the things that you hated about yourself, they praised you for. Chances are, when you met this individual, you may have just experienced the death of a family member, death of a relationship that may have resulted in divorce, or maybe a financial setback that left you completely vulnerable to someone who seemed to embody all the qualities you needed at that time. Narcissists have the uncanny ability to manipulate empaths and in turn, we let our guard down. They share with us stories of childhood abuse, past relationships that failed (cue the violin, because 100% of the time it was never their fault — red flag), and they may even share with you an aspect of their past that they “never told anyone before” — maybe something embarrassing. Looking back, you now know that most of these stories were a ploy; completely fabricated to get you to open up about your past. After all, they must be trustworthy to share such a traumatizing story with you, right? Wrong! They do this to not only gain your trust, but to use the secrets that you have shared with them against you later in the devaluation stage — just another egg to throw your way when they see you are already breaking.

Fast forward to after the discard. You are left to not only pick up the pieces of your broken heart, but you try to gather enough strength to move on. This doesn’t matter if it is romantically or in friendships. You will mistrust everyone. You finally got over the narcissist, but now you are left with the internal damage. You cannot simply heal the heart itself without healing the aortic and pulmonary valve that surround it. This is the same with abuse. You will think that you are healed because you no longer love the narcissist, but then enters your next relationship. Unfortunately, while we can wipe out past love, we cannot wipe out the memory. You will remember all those times that your texts went unanswered as you experienced the favourite go-to manipulation tactic of virtually all the narcissists, the “silent treatment“. While you were getting blasted with this insidious form of abuse, they were using this opportunity to be love-bombing their new victim. It is important to note that the narcissist will use vile tactics such as these in order to keep you emotionally invested in them. The narcissist will choose to discard you at a time of celebration such as a birthday, a much-anticipated vacation (like mine did), or even after you discovered that you or a loved one is chronically ill, or someone who you are close to passed away. This is not done by chance. This is the hallmark of abuse, and this is just another element in the narcissistic wheel of abuse. The reason that they do this is to mentally control your thoughts. Everytime that you think back on that birthday or that vacation that you were forced to go on alone, you will remember them. To remember them is to validate their existence, and this is the glue in which the narcissist requires to affix the false mask to their face.

Now, in a potentially “normal” relationship, you will attribute these unanswered texts to cheating. You will jump to conclusions. You will check dating sites to see if your new love interest has a secret account; after all, you found out the narcissist did by your friends. As for your other friends, you felt betrayed when you opened to them about the abuse that you were suffering, crying on their shoulders, and you were met with blank stares and the “but he seems so sweet” comments. To make matters worse, they continued to be his/her “friend” on Facebook, and invited them to social engagements. That’s what makes the covert narcissist so dangerous — they wear a mask and create such a “pillar of society” to the outside world. So much so, that very few will believe your story, and suddenly you’re just another one of their “crazy exes” in a long line of their failed relationships. Of course, not because of their own doing (cue the violin again). They may even manipulate your friends into thinking that your the abusive one. “Poor me” syndrome is in full effect then, and now they have taken on your friends as theirflying monkeys“. This term is used to describe when a manipulative personality uses people to do their own bidding — just like in the “Wizard of Oz” when the Wicked Witch of the West sent out her flying monkeys to capture Dorothy for her.

Now, any genuine friend in your life will be met with uncertainty after this, and anyone showing concern for your well-being, you will question to be one of the narcissist’s flying monkeys; fair-weather friends who’s only motive is to serve the narcissist. You will choose to stay isolated and retreat into yourself because after all, you are the only one that you can trust.

This is a very unfortunate emotional trauma after narcissistic abuse, and one that may carry over into you actually going back to the narcissist for another round of abuse in the narcissist’s funhouse. Why? Because you may actually begin to believe the narcissist’s words — that you are unworthy, and that “no one will ever love you as much as he/she did”, so you leave the current good and well-meaning partner for the abuser again. After narcissistic abuse many people go back mistaking trauma-bonding for real love. Then along comes another round of idealization, devaluation, and the inevitable discard. The trademark of someone with NPD.

Isolation

For many survivors of narcissistic abuse, you will isolate yourself. You are embarrassed by what you went through; you feel shame, remorse, and regret. You trust absolutely nobody. You live in fear of meeting another narcissist, so you avoid any social interaction completely. You also don’t want to admit that you have a problem. At this stage, you are walking around life as a shadow of your former self. You feel emotionally violated and feel like you are wearing the scars of your hurt and pain on the outside. You are just getting by now; you are a shell wearing many cracks and just one “are you okay?”, or one hug from a stranger will send you into a complete and utter breakdown of epic proportions. You keep telling the outside world that you are alright; but you are not okay, and you damn well know it. You drive to work and your heart is pounding so bad that you have to pull over to stop from passing out. You hear a song on the radio that reminds you of the narcissist and you go into complete panic mode. Cognitive dissonance sets in and psychologically you try to convince yourself that it wasn’t really abuse. You think back to the love-bombing stage; those fake moments of false adulation from the narcissist, and you think “what if I tried a little harder”. This is your mind playing tricks on you. In order for you to psychologically make sense of the extreme high and extreme low of your relationship with the narcissist, your mind can only comprehend between two components: black and white. This is what cognitive dissonance in abuse is. Any emotional stress in abuse is like an “attack” in our brain.  Human beings become psychologically uncomfortable when we experience internal inconsistencies. Our brain must then do a “cleanse”, much like when you computer needs to defragment itself. In order to lessen his/her mental stress, what happens is that you will try to lessen down the magnitude of abuse that you suffered. Cognitive dissonance is a method your brain uses in order to control its discomfort by using a pattern of denial or diversion.

You will also isolate yourself because chances are your family or friends warned you about getting back with the narcissist, and you chose to defend the narcissist rather than listen to your own loved ones. You are so ashamed and deeply embarrassed. You feel in a way like you abused your own family. You looked them dead in their eyes, saw the worry and felt their fear, and as they begged you to stay away, you left them with that emotional baggage as you entered back into the abuse. Now, you feel unworthy of turning back to them for comfort with your tail between your legs. So, you choose to isolate yourself. You clam up and downplay the abuse. You don’t call your friends for support because you don’t want to be confronted with the “I told you so” conversations. And combined with the fact that you feel that you could crack at any moment, you don’t want to lash out in anger perpetuated by narcissistic abuse.

Are You the Narcissist?

Narcissists are like vampires, but instead of blood, they feed off of emotion. They are dead inside. They create a “false self” in order to cover up the shame they feel from their “true self”. They lack the ability to love you, because they don’t even love themselves. They killed off their true selves in childhood and created a false image in order to seek acceptance and to feel “important”. They only feel like they exist when they have “narcissistic supply“. Supply is anyone or even any thing that feeds their ego with admiration, sex, shelter, or money — any kind of attention. However, it can also be through feeding off of the negative emotion from their victims. When they devalue you, your pain and tears solidifies their existence and that they matter. It is a very cruel way they use in order to feel special and worthy.

Narcissists are drawn to empaths. We are the people who are affected by other people’s energies, and have an innate ability to intuitively feel the pain and suffering of others.  A narcissist who has the inability to experience love and compassion themselves, will literally feed off of the energy of the empath. That is why after the discard you feel emotionally drained, and the narcissist is skipping off into the sunset with the new victim. Suddenly, it feels like the roles have been reversed. They give off this aura of positive energy; their false mask firmly in place as they flaunt their new love interest all over social media for you to see, which is purposely done. They get narcissistic supply from their new primary source, and supply from knowing that you will be reeling in pain from their obvious infidelity. After all, no normal human being jumps from relationship to relationship without the probability of their cheating as you were being devalued. Normal and healthy human beings take time to grieve a relationship before jumping into a new one.

Suddenly, you are left wondering if you are the narcissist because even mutual friends seem to be happy for the narcissist, while you seem to be the only one thinking “What the f—?? He was just with me, and all of you are supporting this new relationship?!?” Remember, when I was talking about the “flying monkeys”? This is why. While you were believing that everything was going well in your relationship with the narcissist, he/she was beginning the “smear campaign” behind your back. This is an intentional method in which a manipulative personality takes aim at discrediting your reputation through blatant lies that you have no idea are being said behind your back. The narcissist has a goal of slandering your name in order to make themselves play the victim. Mutual friends will suddenly start believing their stories of abuse at the hands of you!! So, when the narcissist finds a new companion, people seem genuinely happy for them because they are away from the horrible creature that is yourself. Of course, you know nothing about this, so your head is spinning as you are being gaslighted by people who don’t even know that they are being manipulated themselves. This is a very sneaky way in which the narcissist can hold the puppet strings of probably well-intentioned people who don’t even know that they are conducting emotional abuse all in the name of the narcissist. They are being conditioned to be flying monkeys without even knowing it!

All of this will create self-doubt. Unaware of the smear campaign, all you know is what you are experiencing. The narcissist told you that you were the crazy one, that you were the selfish one. Now, with all these people siding with the narcissist you start to believe the untruths.

As the narcissist drained your energy, he/she replaced it with anger and self-loathing. You will snap at people at the drop of a hat, you will mistrust your next love and may accuse them of cheating — a common accusation that the narcissist would frequently accuse you of (when in fact, they were the ones being unfaithful — a defensive mechanism used so that they can escape accountability called “projection“).  After a string of short-lived failed relationships because of your own unhealed wounds and insecurities, you will begin to question your ability to sustain healthy relationships. Thus, you may ask yourself “am I the narcissist?” Of course, the answer is no.

Narcissists will degrade their victims and erode their self-esteem. The after-effects of narcissistic abuse can be just as damaging as being in the middle of it. Over time, the verbal and emotional attacks will completely weaken you to the point in which self-worth vanishes, and you are left in a heap on the floor to pick up the pieces. If you suspect that you are being narcissistically abused, get out now. The abuse will only escalate. If you return to the abuser, the idealization stage will become much shorter than previously before, and the abuse will become much harsher. Verbal attacks may soon become physical. Remember, no one should ever make you feel less than you are. Name calling is not okay, and it is not the sign of a healthy and happy relationship.

Narcissistic Abuse

Christine Lynn
Christine Lynn

 

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Promise Me, You’ll Always Be My Baby

Time is one of the elements of life that can not be changed. No matter how hard we try, or how much effort we put forth, time will always slip us by.

I remember the day I discovered I was pregnant with you. I remember it like it was yesterday. It was 5 years ago now, but somehow the 1825 days in between have dissolved. I’m taken back to that one August evening that I took the pregnancy test and it came back positive. I fell to my knees thanking God for you — I promised to be the best mother that I could be. I would savor each moment with you; there wouldn’t be a day that went by in which you had to question my love for you. My love is true, and from the moment that you were born, our bond has been unbreakable.

I want to tell you how proud I am of you. Every milestone from the first day that you were able to lift your head, to the day that you scored the goal, to when you beat the whole family at Yahtzee, brings me such joy and a sense of accomplishment that I have made it as a mother. I’ve been doing the best that I could to raise you right and educate you blindly through this path that we call parenthood.

Tonight I found myself making your lunch for school. Really? Has time really escaped us that much? I never got to take you on that camping trip that I promised, or to the Legoland Discovery Center, Ripley’s Aquarium, or the CNE. Why doesn’t time just stand still momentarily so that I can show you what kind of mother that I want to be to you? As I put your lunch together — two nutritional snacks, a drinking box, and an egg salad sandwich, I feel a sense of failure. You are my baby, you are my love, my life, and my reason — but time doesn’t care. It doesn’t discriminate, it doesn’t give a rat’s ass about my feelings, about your feelings, or what you planned on doing, what you wish to do, or what you jot down on your “bucket list”. It simply carries on, and you either synchronize with it, or you get left behind picking up the pieces of past that you failed to achieve.

So tonight I ask you one thing. Will you promise to always be my baby? Will you continue to love me as the mother that I am, and not the one that I envisioned that I would be by the time that you started school? Parenting is not perfect. I am not the perfect mother, but the love that I have in my heart for you is. 

So, will you promise to still hug me every night and kiss me every morning? Will you still ask me to read to you, and fall asleep before the last page in my arms? Will you let me dress you every morning, even though I know that you know how? Will you still draw me pictures, and sing me your made up songs? Will you still come into my room when you have nightmares, and ask me to slay the dragon under your bed?

Tomorrow, time will carry on as it has been. You will make new friends, and you will make new enemies. You will be praised, and you will get knocked down. You will fall, but you will always get back up. This is what growing up is all about, and this is when time starts to fire up its engines.

Time will shape your destiny, of which I have very little control. However, I can tell you one thing that time has given us — our bond. Tomorrow as you walk into your classroom, feeling nervous and insecure, just feel the clothes on your body, and the shoes on your feet, the haircut I gave you, and the new backpack on your back. Take out your new lunch bag, with the fresh food inside, take the knowledge that I have taught you, and the kindness that I have instilled upon you, and remember that I love you and you will always be my little boy.

So promise me, that you’ll always be my baby.

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Christine Lynn

 

To The Heartbroken Woman, You Are Not Alone

Do you ever see an image that touches your soul so deeply? I saw this image today on my Facebook feed, and if I had the power to, I would have reached through the screen and wrapped my arms around the person that shared it — because you know that person is going through something that you can relate to. To that person I want to say, that you are not alone.

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I bet this wasn’t where you thought your life would end up.

You met the man of your dreams, and you experienced a feeling inside that you never felt before. You can’t stop thinking about your lover. You rise in the morning and go to bed at night obsessing about this new relationship and what your future would look like together. Soon, he took on your kids as his own. You let him in — unguarded — because you fell in love, and he loved you back. You trusted him with your heart, and your kids hearts, because he showed you the kind of affection and kindness you never knew could exist. He was your knight, and to your kids he was their confidant and protector.

But along the way, something happened. He withdrew from you, and from the family you created and entrusted him with. You started clinging to hang on, but he was transforming before your eyes. Who is this stranger? The man you fell in love with is in there somewhere…right? Better keep hanging on. Better sacrifice your dignity and self-worth to resuscitate the love inside him.

I bet you didn’t think you would go to bed alone while he “worked.” I bet you didn’t think he would say “not tonight honey”, and I bet you didn’t think you’d be suspicious when he took his phone with him when he went to have a shower. I bet you didn’t think you’d call him while he was working just to see if he would pick up — and I bet you went to bed with tears in your pillow when he didn’t.

You see, I know you. I know the tears you had to wipe from your kids eyes when they asked why he left, and I know you went to the bathroom afterwards to wipe your own. I know when the evening arrives and you go to bed alone you’re wondering if he’s sleeping with someone else at that very moment. I know the light on your cellphone is on at 2:00 am because you’re up googling “Why did he do this to me?” or “How to get over heartbreak.” I know that you look at that shattered light switch that he broke when he got mad, and think that he could have at least fixed it before he turned his back on you.

I want you to know that you are doing a good job. No, you are doing a REMARKABLE job. I want you to know that you are beautiful inside and out, and that this is just setting you up to be with someone better. I want you to know that you are unstoppable and capable of things that you never even dreamed of. I know you feel guilty about letting him in your children’s lives, just to have him leave you in the end. But guess what? Your kids still see you as their hero, and they are resilient. I know this because I see the pictures that you post on Facebook, side-by-side and in the arms of your children. I know you’re paying all your bills, and in full, with no help from him. You don’t need him; you’re doing just fine. I know that you caught that spider, and trapped that mouse you were going insane trying to find. I know that you figured out how to use that steam machine, and you broke out those tools like the bad-ass you are — and I know you fixed it too.

I know that you can’t even fathom the idea of moving on; that it would feel like “cheating” because your heart still clings to the hope that he will walk back in the door…but I also know how lonely you feel without having a man to call your own at night. You miss his arms around you at night. You are not alone.

One day you will see that this was all setting you up for something better. I see the sadness in you with that image, but I also see the strength that is about to emerge. You’re on your way sweetheart. Like a butterfly finding its wings, you will soon break free from your caccoon, because real love is waiting for you around the corner. Soon you are going to meet someone new and he is going to treat you so well. At first you won’t believe him because you’re not used to the compliments; he saw to that before he left you in shambles on the floor. You will suspect you are being used for sex or money — maybe both. Eventually, your hardened skin will soften and you will let him in. Before you know it, the man who caused you to share that image on Facebook will just become someone who you used to know.

I know you, and you are an incredible woman. Hold your head up high, and keep putting one foot in front of the other. Fight until you have no fight left — because you will always have 30% more.

You are not alone.

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Christine Lynn

Excuse Me, Have You Seen My Confidence?

I have discovered that recovering from romantic betrayal is more than getting over your lover. What is does to your confidence can take much longer to heal than the wounds you had to lick when you were left shattered in two. This isn’t something that I was expecting, but it’s something that I’m still struggling with. I was lucky in that I managed to pick up the pieces of my heart and walk away with some dignity in tact, but what no one told me is that even after getting over my ex lover, that the biggest hurdle to overcome would be my confidence.

You would think that by letting go of someone who betrayed your trust in love, you are regaining an element of self-worth back and “that’s that”, you will have your life back. In reality, you found your inner strength, but the next hurdle is using that strength to squash the underlying root of the problem you are now faced with — your lack in confidence.

I thought I was 100% washed of the past. It’s almost two months later, and on the outside I appear great. I have my appetite back, I workout regularly, I’m drinking my 2 litres of water a day, I catch myself smiling and I’m back to dating. I get butterflies in my stomach and feel emotions stir again.

Here’s the haunting truth: I am scared to death of opening up my heart to someone again and getting it ripped out. The walls are up, and I don’t know how to break them down.

I want to be able to feel that unspoken bond with someone and live in the moment, but when I catch myself growing closer, I distance myself. That need to feel safe for as long as it takes overwhelms me. My heart needs the ability to regenerate. I am pushing potential partners away.

Of course sex is enjoyable, but no one told me that afterwards I would be left wondering if he would stay. I’m not referring to the night, I’m referring to in my LIFE. That was taken away from me with the betrayal from my past lover. I can’t even have sex without worrying about the possibility that I was just a momentary play toy.

If I don’t talk to a man for a couple of hours, I’ll think that he met someone else. Before the betrayal, I wouldn’t have given it a second thought. Now I contemplate moving on to the next man, because it’s easier on my heart to walk away than to stay and face the possibility of rejection.

I know what I need to do is let go of expectations. No potential partner will ever be Prince Charming. After living through a bad relationship, I now have the “knight in shining armour” syndrome. I fantasize for the best, because I was dealt with a bad hand. And only the best will do. The first sign of a screw up, and it’s an excuse to leave for me. This is what betrayal has done to me.

Most of all, I need to let go of being tough. Patty Duke once said “It’s toughest to forgive ourselves. So it’s probably best to start with other people. It’s almost like peeling an onion. Layer by layer, forgiving others, you really do get to the point where you can forgive yourself.” The stronger that I am, the more closed I am to others. When I’m closed off to others, I can’t be hurt again. Deep down I know that by doing this, and by keeping my heart and feelings at bay, I am avoiding the pain. But guess what? I’m now stagnant in life, because I’m also missing out on potential happiness and joy. I need to forgive myself, and open myself up to someone. This is what betrayal has done to me.

How can I feel so much relief and freedom from my past relationship, and yet lose a huge part of myself along the way? I found myself back on the track, but now I’m missing my caboose.

I want to love again, but I will never emotionally be ready until I learn to value myself. This is what romantic betrayal feels like after you think you’re in the clear just because you “got over” your ex lover. You are not only forced to rediscover your confidence in love, but more importantly, in yourself.

But here you see folks, lies the gift that I was given. I know that I am being set up for something great. I will get over this hump, and when I do the man that stands before me will be the one that will rock my world and make me question why I wrote this article in the first place. A bad relationship isn’t a death sentence, it is God’s way of showing you what you won’t put up with in the future.

“Watching you walk out of my life does not make me bitter or cynical about love. But rather makes me realize that if I wanted so much to be with the wrong person, how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along.”

-Anonymous

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Christine Lynn

 

 

 

 

 

I Fell in Love with a Narcissist

What is narcissism? Media today has people convinced that the term is used for those of us that seem to be too caught up in their physical appearance and vanity, and the outer image that they try hard to portray to the world. However, it goes much deeper than that. True narcissism (and the worst kind) are those people who to the outside looking in, seem perfect without even trying. These are the master manipulators; these are the people that have the wool pulled over your eyes. They can be the kind neighbour next door that brings you tomatoes from his garden, or even the volunteer to the community who always seems to lend a helping hand for nothing in return. This is because the worst kind of narcissist is the one who puts on a show to mask the true person that are trying to cover up — they are the wolf in sheep’s clothing. They set out with a specific goal. They zero in on their prey, pounce, and in the blink of an eye, they will not hesitate to leave you lying on the ground wounded and alone. Narcissism runs deeper than physical appearances, it is a personality trait.

They can be your coworkers, your parents, your boss, and they can be your lover.

I was the perfect target for a narcissistic man. My marriage just ended and I found myself alone and vulnerable and with a need to be loved. I took out all my pain on fitness. All my anger, my guilt for ending a marriage with a three-year old boy in tow, and my self-worth went out the window, but fitness was my outlet to create a strong outer shell to cover up how weak I felt on the inside. I did not feel good about myself, and I struggled to love who I was. Then I met him.

You see, he did and said everything right. I was his “dream girl”, I was his “12 out of 10”, he liked that I was independent and confident, and that I trusted him. After all, I was being “love bombed”. Love bombing is the first stage of manipulation and control to a narcissistic man. He is assessing you, mirroring you, and reflecting back to you what you want to hear. The reason why he/she is doing this is because the goal is to gain control and put you in a dependent and vulnerable state. He will tell you things about his past to make you feel sorry for him. After all, he must have changed if he has admitted his past indiscretions, right? Wrong. That’s part of his tactic. “He must really like me”, “I feel like I’ve known him forever”. You’re now essentially being blinded from reality. And the reality will begin to manifest itself in due time.

Having all this attention, I started to feel good about myself again. I introduced him to my son, and they got along so well. He is the reason I’m out of my dark state; he’s a gift from God. He is my soul mate.

A narcissistic man (or woman) is a sociopath that will often target someone who has needs that need to be fulfilled. Loneliness is one of them.

Before I knew it, he was staying at my place regularly. People began to question his motives due to his past indiscretions, which he made a point of letting everyone know about “how much he had changed”, and I defended him. Particularly to my sister who called him out and saw through his bullshit a few months into our relationship. She even sent me the article “30 Red Flags You Might Be Dating a Narcissist“, in which he scored an astonishing 25/30, and I still didn’t listen. I defended him, and told her she was dead wrong about him. I refused to believe that I was being set up to be emotionally brought down by a man who did this to every woman before me, and probably after me as well. I let him in, I felt sorry for him. He’s just misunderstood, and he will pay me back every dime that I lent out too. I was swept off my feet. Life was great, and 8 months into our relationship we were engaged.

Well guess what came next? A compete flip of character. Now in the blink of an eye, a relationship with a narcissistic man leads to the next phase — the “devaluation” phase. In my case, this shift was overnight, but it can be gradual. Suddenly the attention was gone and replaced by silence, and verbal abuse. One evening in bed he turned to me and said that I was the most “insignificant woman he’s ever dated.” It came out of nowhere, and I will never forget it. I was called stupid on a regular basis, bitch, and even the dreaded “c” word. The sweet texts stopped that I was accustomed to receiving in the middle of the day, and I started to suspect that he might be involved with someone else. I was now knocked down to state where I felt so weak in my own self-worth that I racked my brain thinking it was something that I did. Was I not smart enough, pretty enough, fun enough? Was I not good in bed? Was it that I wasn’t rich? Was I not successful enough?

Ladies and gentlemen, what you need to know, is that narcissists become bored easily and now the void begins to emerge again. This is why a narcissist will never find true happiness in relationships, unless they seek some serious deep-rooted therapy. Once the void is there, you are no longer worthy to a narcissist because they want constant perfection. They start the hunt all over again…which is what happened in the next stage. The “discard” stage.

Now I became the woman I never wanted to be. I was constantly on edge wondering if he was cheating (and found out later that he was). I was demoralized, and I was discarded. I was confused because I couldn’t understand what was happening. I went from an independent, self-assured woman, to a shadow of my former self. I began to cling, and literally beg for his attention. Even after he moved his stuff out of my house, and he told me he slept with other women from dating sites, I STILL wanted him back and even slept with him a few more times. I was clinging on to him; trying to get that old feeling back. Sleeping with him was the only way that I got his attention at this point, and the next day I would be told to get lost again.

Then one day something inside me snapped. You see ladies, I realized that the man who I fell in love with never existed. I was in love with a fictional character. The real man was now standing before me, in all his tattered glory. He can fool the outside world, but I got to know the man behind the mask.

I am a strong woman. I am worthy enough. I will not sleep with a man just to get him to momentarily pay attention to me again. I have friends that value me, a little boy who calls me “Wonder Woman”, and men that want to treat me like the lady I am. I will not walk on eggshells around a man ever again, I will not be called a bitch, a whore, and a c— ever again.

And just like that, I was over him.

 

me
Christine Lynn